Last week I had something big resolve itself, without really telling anybody about it. Now that it’s all water under the bridge, I feel like I can talk about it a little.
I was considering moving to Portland. Not because I planned it, or wanted to go to Portland or anything, but because of a job. I had already been tempted by the place because of their craft culture, and a music group I had a chance to play in.
Well, now it was real. I got a call from a company that I actually use for music, I won’t say which, just in case. They had received my resume somehow, and wanted to know if I’d be interested in interviewing. I asked for which position, and it was for a Director position. I was floored.
That was about three weeks ago. 3 rounds of interviewing and one personality test later, I did not end up getting the job.
I hate to say it, but I was relieved. There was a lot of talk of destiny (density?) and some people were surprising me by pushing me toward Oregon, telling me that I needed to do it, and that I would be an idiot to say no if offered it. So I was resigned to take the job, if I did get it.
It was murder interviewing for them. The interviewer would say something like, “Give me an example of an important project you’ve worked on.” and I started talking. The company is a little indie company with smaller, independent artists. I was dropping heavy duty names and classic household names. I could hear the interviewers jaw pretty much drop when I told him what I did.
Then I felt my heart sink into the pit of my stomach. “What the hell are you doing?” I thought. I asked the interviewer a couple of questions that I was curious about. How did the place work, what was the business plan? There was none. They had no idea what they were doing, but had the resources, and catalog to get it done. Talk about an opportunity to create an awesome job for yourself!
Interviewer was happy. . . I was getting scared. “Am I going to have to do this?” Still, I knew it was an awesome opportunity, so I made the most of it. I had an awesome conversation with the CEO on the third interview, and I felt like it was in the bag. He was saying things like “Oh man, you’re going to love it in Portland!”. Then the CEO told me that he thought I had what it takes, and that he would like me to take a personality test. Something called the Caliper Test. I took it the same day, I felt like i did really well on it.
Then it all kicked in, if I had the job, I would be gone. I would leave my house, my job, friends, family, niece and nephew, maybe a car or two. . . I would leave it all in LA, and move up to a world of complete strangers, and strange streets. That part excited me. Leaving everybody did not.
I wrestled with it for a week, then I missed a call from them on Saturday, which was weird. I remember for CicLAvia on Sunday, I was riding along, and I was so in love with LA, and suddenly the thought of Portland reared its head. I was bummed. I could have already had my life yanked out from under me, by someone else’s decision, and I didn’t even know yet. I thought, “What are you doing, you have an awesome job?” and kept pedalling. I realized, when the thought crept back in, that when I had it out of mind, it was the first time in 3 weeks I wasn’t consumed by it. By the idea of Portland. I then realized just how heavy it was weighing on my mind, because once it was back, it was back with a vengeance. The options were being weighed in my head, and I was absolutely torn.
To add to all this, I’ve been having a blast lately. I’m finally free of a band, out of debt, and I have my whole unburdened life ahead of me. In the last few weeks I’ve been having such an awesome time on a regular basis that it makes me wonder how I could ever leave it. It made me proud that I would be willing to do something so difficult, scary, and ambitious, but it also made me appreciate what I do have around me. I have good people around me. The traffic in LA sucks, and I battle with it a lot, but this is an awesome part of the world.. Having my family around me is something I cherish after living out of state for a few years and missing them badly. I would hate to miss my niece growing up, and my nephew too. I would miss my brother and weekends at the track with nothing to do. It rains 9 months out of the year in Portland. Sunny Southern California is in my blood. I mean c’mon, I started a surf band for crying out loud.
On Monday, the weekend after all this wrestling and churning over this, they called me again. This time it was the HR lady I spoke to the first time. She told me that they were keeping the position open, and keeping my resume on file, but that at the time they weren’t going to hire anybody. They told me that they have been looking for almost 5 months, and that did make me feel a bit better. Something like 60 applicants too. Out of the 60 applicants, only half made the second round, and out of them, only a “handful” interviewed with the CEO. I thanked her, and exhaled for about 12 minutes.
There are lots of family and friends who don’t read my blog. In the end, after all was said and done, I only told 7 people about the possibility of the change. I emailed them all to thank them for supporting me, and told them how surprised I was that they all said GO. It’s amazing to me to think that if I had gotten the job, a good chunk of my family and friends would likely never see me again. Or if they ever did, only at family events, etc. I told myself if I got it, I would move back after 5 years, but who knows?
Who ever knows?
Happy to report that now, 5 days after all this madness, I’m more excited about my city, friends, life, and outlook than I have been in at least a decade. Someone told me there was a reason that all this happened, and I’m not much of a believer in predestination, but now looking back, I feel they may have been right. It was confusing to NOT get a job and feel good about it. I think, and feel, that if there was a reason for any of this, then it was to teach me to really love what I have already.
Vonnegut taught me a lot about appreciating the little things, smelling the roses and so forth. The way he says it, is exactly how I feel at the moment.
“If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.”
So it went.